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White Noise

by Nick Page!

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1.
Disclaimer 01:16
lyrics
art is artificial art is an artifice these songs might misrepresent things that I think art is artificial but I made it for you just keep in mind not every song you hear is true and so I wrote more stupid songs most of them aren't very long and some of them might make you mad but that kinda sounds like a you problem taking things way too seriously I mean seriously maybe you could lighten up a little and just try to chuckle for a while while you remember that art is artificial art is an artifice these songs might misrepresent things that I think art is artificial but I made it for you I made it for you I made it for you I made it for me please give me money
2.
Bathroom Cat 01:32
lyrics
bathroom cat I'm in the bathroom and so is he he likes to drink from the sink and sometimes watch when I pee bathroom cat I'm in the bathtub he's also there the drain is clogged up with cat hair he eats the bubbles then burps their air bathroom cat I need the mirror but he does too He don't give a shit what I need to do we share a toothbrush against my objections bathroom cat he falls asleep on the scale weighs 15 pounds with no tail his tail is not on the scale
3.
Voting Instructions 00:05
lyrics
Don't vote if you're a moron
4.
1st White Noise 01:54
5.
God is Good 01:57
lyrics
There is only one god And his name is God And he loves you this I know As long as you're not a homo So give your money to the preacher man Tithe 10% or whatever you can And everyone else please do the same So preacher and God can fight those gays God is good Gays are bad And they definitely both exist And here’s the proof That gays exist Designer shoes and the Roman Empire And here’s more proof That gays exist Broadway shows and every species of animal And still further proof That gays exist Neil Patrick Harris and Interior decorating Have some more proof That gays exist A scientific consensus and all those gay dudes And here’s the proof That God exists
6.
Uncle Harry (Deceased) 01:47
lyrics
Uncle Harry gets me drunk when he's In Derek’s pocket And when Derek says “let’s go” I take off Like a box in an airplane There’s a light that heats the splace Between the light and the space that that light touches And if you need such a light Derek can sell you Just as much as you need He’s the man with three first names He’s the godfather of the IPA He’s the infrared badass And he always has the plastic That gets me drunk There’s a big house in Georgia Where Derek lives although I have never seen it Maybe if I’m ever there We will drink until I cannot walk. But instead I see him in Other cities all over this country But the beer is just as cold And Uncle Harry always picks up the tab He’s the man with three first names He’s the godfather of the IPA He’s the infrared badass And he always has the plastic that gets me drunk
7.
2nd White Noise 01:04
8.
Grinding and Sieving 02:22
lyrics
Joe Powder gave me a job and now I take the bus to the job that he gave me Unless I don’t take the bus, then I just pay a whole bunch to park I take raw materials out of big bags and I mix them with other materials from bags And they all go into a much smaller bag that I shake and shake and shake The shaken up stuff gets fed in a machine that heats it and smashes it into a goo The goo goes through rollers to come out cold and flat Grinding and sieving, grinding and sieving, this is the life that I’m happy to have Now I’m living for grinding and sieving. Out of the sieve comes a powder with which I can shoot things ‘cause I’ve got a gun But it doesn’t shoot bullets, it shoots powder, static, and air. The static-charged powder sticks to the grounded substrate and stays there unless I drop it And then I just bake it at the time and the temperature required Once it’s cooled down and I’ve seen that it’s flawed because I didn’t clean things enough I clean things again, and that’s when it’s time to try again. Grinding and sieving, grinding and sieving, this is the life that I’m happy to have Now I’m living for grinding and sieving. Grinding and sieving, grinding and sieving, this is the life that I’m happy to have Now I’m living for grinding and sieving. Thank you, Joe.
9.
Mean Ol' Bossman 01:57
lyrics
Mean ol' boss man got me, sweepin' floors Tell you right now I can't take no more Mean ol' boss man got me, cleanin' tables Tell right now that as soon as I am able I'm gonna kill him in his sleep I'm gonna kill him in his sleep Sometime between today and the end of the week I'm gonna kill him in his sleep Mean ol' boss man won't give, me a raise But one way or another he is going to pay Mean ol’ boss man thinks that, I'm a joke But his money won't help him when his neck is broke I'm gonna kill him in his sleep I'm gonna kill him in his sleep Let's see who has a job when he's under six feet I'm gonna kill him in his sleep Mean ol' boss man gonna, fire me Ain't nothin' to discuss as far as he can see Mean ol’ boss man laughs as, I'm forced to leave We'll see who laughs last because tonight is the eve When I kill him in his sleep I'm gonna kill him in his sleep This is my notice, you don't get two weeks I'm gonna kill him in his sleep Voodoo economics man, you sow what you reap
10.
3rd White Noise 01:53
11.
Used to Have a Friend 01:01
lyrics
I used to have a friend named Nathan This is the end of the song
12.
An Incomplete List of Foods I Like 00:12
lyrics
I like food 'cause food is good I like food like a food-liker should Burritos
13.
The Dumbest Guy in the Room 02:04
lyrics
who's the dumbest guy in the room, could you help me find him? I'm pretty sure that isn't you, but I don't see someone else logically there just has to be, someone here that's not as smart as you so please could you help me find, the dumbest guy in the room? let's just have a look around, is he behind that chair? that table cloth hangs down to the floor, could he be hiding under there? this guy is good at hide and seek, I must give credit where credit is due so please would you help me find, the dumbest guy in the room? ‘cause I don't see anyone but you and me I guess that we might never find the dumbest guy in the room maybe he's behind the curtain, or hiding in the closet did something move by the window, or did I just imagine it? this is really making me mad, I know that you're a very smart dude you'd think that we'd be able to find, the dumbest guy in the room but I don't see anyone but you and me so I guess that we might never find the dumbest guy in the room the dumbest guy in the room the dumbest guy in the room
14.
4th White Noise 01:48
15.
The Sad Part in Movies 02:09
lyrics
The camera pans and we all see the man that’s in the street He’s standing in the rain, what else to do? We zoom in so close you can see what’s rain and what are tears And all our hearts break just a little bit A soldier shakes in fear as the bombs are going off And the bullet finds him in the next frame He’ll live but never walk again and love’s so far away But we know when he comes home she’ll be gone This is the sad part in movies It’s usually though not always about 2/3rds in And usually when the movie ends Everyone is happy again Humiliated on the ground behind the junior high An overhead shot, he looks so small And the kids he thought were friends all laugh as they walk away Nothing in the world can help him now This is the sad part in movies It’s usually though not always about 2/3rds of the way into the movie And usually though not always when the movie ends Everyone is happy again
16.
One Pair of Gloves 01:07
lyrics
We only have one pair of gloves That's why my wife does all the yard work We only have one pair of gloves So I just sit there and watch her do it We can't afford to pay somebody To do the yard work for us But she picked this stupid house with its big old yard and I never wanted it So I don't have to do anything One pair of gloves One pair of gloves One pair of gloves We've only got one pair of gloves
17.
5th White Noise 03:07
18.
I Went Drinking with Skil 01:45
lyrics
I got to see my buddy in Blackfalds The meeting was long overdue We were in good cheer So we drank all the beer And babe, that's why I'm calling you I'm sorry my dear, I went drinking with Skil And we caused a bit of a fuss We walked to the bar But walking back was too far And we ended up stealing a bus The Oilers were on the TV And we drank to their future success McDavid did score So we drank some more Oh, pardon me please, I digress I'm sorry my dear, I went drinking with Skil And we really did let loose We decided I'd drive We're lucky to be alive I can't say that for the bus, or the moose We decided to hide the evidence So we set the bus and the moose ablaze Two mounties rode by I saw one of them cry He said "Just what are you doing, eh?" I'm sorry my dear, I went drinking with Skil And I'm in a Canadian jail Could you go to the post office Apply for a passport So you can cross the border to pay my bail?
19.
Love Song 01:10
lyrics
One of these days I'm gonna write you a love song But I get the feeling I've got a long long long long long long time to do it So here goes

credits

released June 1, 2018

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Nick Page! Columbus, Ohio

Nick Page! lives and works in the central Ohio area, but he would like to live and work in a more glamorous locale. If you give him enough money for his album, perhaps he will be able to do that someday.

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